#26

I am lost

Everything is just the same

But I am not

What is happening,

Who am I now?

I brush my teeth

Put on my pants

Drink a cup of coffee

Pick up a book

Put down the book

Nothing feels the same

I pick up a paint brush

But have no paint,

The flute sounds hollow, 

I hear only air

I sit down to write and all I have to say is

I am lost

Maybe I have always been lost

What I thought was me 

was only distractions

I found myself in conversations

and busyness of daily chores

In listening to music or watching the sun set

I found myself in lust and fantasies of someday loves,

I knew I was here when you held me

But ceased to exist when you let me go

I found myself in  charity and in greed

In sloth and ambition,

I found myself in anger towards injustices

I found myself in the needy eyes of my dog

I found myself in the things I lost myself in

I found myself in my fears of being lost

I don’t know who I am..

My incentive is gone

I want to go back to sleep and live in dreams

Sit in this chair and rock

back and forth and go nowhere

I have no more questions

I have lost my mind (thank God)

there is no where to go

nothing to do

but sit and wait patiently

for my self to arrive..