2013 LET THE YEAR BEGIN
my son ben just left to take a walk. he said, he was going to see Nugget. Nugget is our family dog who died last year, prey to coyotes. we found what was left of him. it was terrible to see.
ben has a vast heart,
big enough to hold the whole world,
i admire this boy, my son
perhaps more than he’ll ever know.
tears are falling for me
from me,
tears to ease the loneliness and fear
i so often entertain.
the boys are home for holidays and soon
they will be gone,
again.
this house will become far to big
for me to fill,
in the empty rooms and corners of rooms,
this sadness will abide,
what a sad poem to start the new year with,
i would like this to be the year of absolute truth for me
i want to know fully who i am
i want to overcome my insecurities
i want to come together with my selves
become one
complete, whole, powerful and confident
and..
brave enough
to be invulnerable
to the opinions of others
i want to to remain always true to myself
i want to live large
joyfully, adventurously..
i want to manifest these dreams
i’ve dreamt forever,
i want to move with ease and grace
through all sorts of situations
and people,
i want to stand behind my boys and watch
and be there so they know always
that their father has their backs,
sure i’d take a bullet
in my last heart beat I would.
at this time, all i can do is watch
and love them
just like any other parent.
what if, i felt this strongly about my self?
what if i loved myself this ferociously?
there would be no more doubting.
i would not be alone ever.
i would be whole
complete
the conflict over.
let peace preside
now
let peace preside at the beginnings
and at the endings
and throughout the entirety
of my life
let this be the year of doing
all things from being
anchored deeply and securely
the calm of me being
that’s all,
all that i want
to be.
Amen_
underneath all the drinking, under neath all addiction, it’s the thinking that is the real culprit. We are addicted to thinking and thought interrupts awareness...steals it away from simply observing.
observing results in full presence , an immersion into whatever is attended to...
the cessation of the mind, of the thinking mind is what we all want, replacing it with the aware mind, one that can experience deeply the changing events, situations, stimulations, and interactions in the world.
the ear and nose and tips of fingers become more alive,
body feels itself
and suddenly we are born back into the phenomena we come from
cessation of thought leaves awareness
and
the heart rejoices,
singing
“I am alive! It’s so good to be alive.”
It’s the true fulfillment your soul longs for,
the deepest, truest part
of you.
