God in a Tree

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What is the great returning sadness? Some act of passion glimpsed, a heart felt moment between people, a heroic moment of faith and courage by a human being, seen for what it really is...

A glimpse of God, a return to the vision too often surrendered...forgotten. We are so much more than we appear to be, so much larger and move loving than we pretend to be.

What is wrong with us? What keeps us from being true to ourselves-joyous and free, but the fear of the fear sourced judgments and condemnations of others? We so desperately need to feel accepted and connected to one another that we ironically disconnect from ourselves and our great unlimited hearts. And then we lose our light and our laughter. Then we cannot embrace each other; we have lost our loving arms to fear and wrap ourselves tight in our own frightened embrace. 

Our egos survive as our spirits perish.  We run about futilely trying to prove our worth to ourselves; perhaps we can achieve something that will finally confirm that we are good and brilliant and deserving of love. We are lovable at every moment. Lovable and valuable, sacred. Sacred even as we wander and stumble, lie and hide. Lovable as every child is lovable. 

Today I wrap my arms around my self and I keep them there no matter what I feel or think or do or not do. There will be many who cannot love me in my weakness and fear but those who can...those who do will join one another in the long journey back to who we really are.

THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP THAT AFFECTS UR LIFE IS THE ONE YOU HAVE WITH U!

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I wonder if I will someday wake up and feel excitement towards the day? I wonder if I will get up with an enthusiasm for whatever will come my way?  

For so long I have awakened with trepidation, fear and even dread at times. Life seems so arduous. I have a habit of feeling unfairly victimized which means I have a habit of stamping my feet, pouting, feeling sorry for myself and or getting depressed and despairing when things don’t go as I want them to go, when I am inconvenienced...

It is no trick to breath a sigh of relief or feel the presence of God when the lights are green, the parking place is there, unexpected money comes to you, our children get an award, your favorite sport team goes to the playoffs, etc. It is so easy to be happy with life when life accommodates me. We were taught to expect things from life and when life shows up differently we were taught to become unhappy. We were taught to try to change things. We were taught to judge and criticize others and the state of the world. We were taught to try and make the world a better place by behaving ourselves. By being “appropriate”. Now there’s a word that can attack anyone anywhere without warning. 

My mission is/was; to create a world safe to play in by living fearlessly and interacting from an open heart with all my relations...

....laziness is fear. It is a way to permit myself to run from what I do need to do. The choice comes first, then the first step, and then...all the rest gets easier. You gather momentum. You become unstoppable. You crash into victory no matter what the endeavor results in because the victory is in the process itself. 

You travel forward into the unknown. This brings the adventure you long for. This opens your life up to surprises, challenges, victories and defeats. All outcomes judged become measurements of ourselves and whether we accept or reject ourselves.  Results do not define our worthiness-we determine how happy we are to be ourselves and success is lovingly accepting our current reality as it is here and now. Pain is mandatory and occurs now and again. Self rejection, reality rejection creates a tension which depresses and eventually sickens our body. 

 As long as we show up and put ourselves out there...as long as we risk the judgements of others...until we learn that right and wrong and good and bad are just ideas created by those fearful folks in authority (parents, teachers, law makers)  to control us so that they feel safer...until we decide that whatever we do or don’t do requires absolutely no self assessment...we will continue to regret the past and fear the future and live in our heads instead of in this moment, fully present and open heartedly. 

Love and joy is a by product of living freely. You can do no wrong; dance your dance and sing your song!

amen