Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Catch & Release

Whatever package your God comes in
Doesn't matter at all,
If it gifts you with faith
Grab on and hold it close
As if your joy depends on it
Because it does


Once you are overflowing with joy
let go.
Just think of all the light you will shine upon
This frightened, weary world
Just by grasping God
and then 
letting him go-

Monday, December 1, 2014

HONESTY

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HONESTY 

connect with anyone
with every one,
this is what a fearless life looks like.

what is there to be afraid of 
but the opinions of others….their judgments  

judgements are attacks,
and they are projections,
they are the responses that fear makes
attempting to make us feel secure.

feel secure
secure yourself!

breath slowly
breath deeply...


love self
love others
love all of life


you are whole
vibrant and powerful,
you can speak nothing
but your truth

teach the congress of the world
what transparency really looks like
and what it can accomplish,
watch 
as fear disappears.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

LAST SUNSET

    . IF YOU CAN'TBE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE-LOVE THE ONE UR WITH.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Even an ugly day sometimes ends beautifully...hang in there-

                                      
                           even an ugly day sometimes ends beautifully...hang in there-

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

COMFORT

Oh my,
the breeze this day feels like
forgiveness.
This soft, overcast blanket 
of comforting grayness carries me 
to a saner perception of life and of myself. 
No black or white,
No longer wrong or bad
nor good and right,
I wrap myself with this blanket of acceptance
far from the harshness of self 
loathing judgments. 
Everyone is doing the best they can
at all times
no matter how bad it looks. 




Thursday, September 25, 2014


Without realizing it, we are dragging our feet
And resisting the inevitable evolving
That we are here for.
Fear
Is the stopper
Every time
Fear
Keeps us
Frozen in place
Fear
Scares us back
Into our minds
Where we
Confuse
Ourselves
Trying to understand
In order to
Create
Safety
From fear.
There is no
Going around or under
Fear
The you you are becoming
Waits on the other side
Of this fear.
Go through the fear
And into the great relief
Of your larger loving self.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Invisible Acts of Love

The way the soft, silent morning air
kisses your flesh so lightly,
worry flees.

A rippling pond at sunrise
Reflects a vast blue sky

 announcing a new day 
filled with promise and 
possibilities as endless as the sky itself.

The crowns of palms stirring light 
reminds you of your own regal height.
as a small bird lands nearby and twittering
bids you a joyous welcome
to this very moment.

Asleep and unseen yet, 
your lover
makes the coffee strong the way you like it
as the last star fades overhead,
light dissolving into light 
reminding you of your own brief breath,
and your infinite, eternal nature.


Do not miss these invisible acts of love,
Notice how blessed and glorious

 we truly are.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

WHEN WILL WE EVER LEARN...WHEN WILL WE EVER, LEARN.

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I watched a homeless man wash himself and shampoo his hair with Palmolive Dish Detergent this morning while taking my morning bicycle ride along side San Diego Harbor. You see a lot of homeless folks, mostly men in this area napping in a spot of shade alongside their entire world stacked up in a shopping cart. The more affluent ones have old bicycles themselves.

It is so very beautiful along the bay here: downtown buildings in the background to a bay dotted with moored and docked sailboats, fishing boats and tourist excursion ships. An almost constant breeze blows in off the ocean and today there were puffy clouds parallel to and floating idly over the mountains to the east.

I thought to myself that this must be one of the finest cities to be a homeless person in. The weather is at its worst times, survivable and far more frequently a comfy, dry 72 degrees.  To have a public bathroom with an outside shower (presumably to wash the salt off swimmers and surfers) is a wonderful gift to those who have no home to clean themselves in.

I used to pull up to intersections and either shake my head “no” or look away if there was someone requesting spare change. I’d heard that often they spend this money on booze, cigarettes or drugs and it’s better to give them a hamburger than a dollar. I don’t know about you, but I rarely have a hamburger sitting on my dash board keeping warm for the first handout of the day. But hey-I’ve changed my thinking.

If I was living on the street, sleeping outside in parks, doorways, deserted buildings and the like I would probably choose some hard liquor or drug over food often. Why? Because at least I would temporarily become artificially but experientially content for a brief while.  And happiness on occasion should and would take precedence over nutrition at times. Who am I to control what they do with a contribution I’m willing to make?  And further, who am I to ignore them and look the other way while sitting in my comfy air conditioned car. I have way more than the essentials of food, clothes, safety and space to live and sleep and even bath.

There are a number of gentle climates that attract the destitute who live outdoors but there are few if any services or considerations for these unfortunates who have no home and perhaps even the greater hardship of having no family-not a single brother or aunt or relative to turn to for support, for love.

Would it really be too expensive to provide areas for the homeless to congregate and sleep? Would it be too expensive for a city to allocate a few dollars to providing public bathrooms where the poor can clean and relive themselves? We surely can afford to provide security in the form of volunteer social workers in set aside parks or just areas of parks where people can legally assemble and simply survive.  We have parks built just for dogs but not for people. Why is this? How is this possible?

The poor and homeless are not alone in what we turn our backs on; we turn away more and more from the obvious blatant corruption in politics, banking, and corporations. We know clearly the injustices perpetrated daily on those at the bottom of the socio-economic level. We sit and do and say little or nothing when it comes to light that another politician has abused his position and privilege, or when corporations tell their bought politicians what legislature to write and pass; legislation that furthers the aims of most of the top 1% in the U.S. Police incidents get more and more out of control and nothing is done. The media is owned and controlled by big money getting bigger. The news has become one long commercial, biased, fear based and meant to either convince the majority that everything is really okay and just or acquit the greed and evil it nurtures turning man against men-against women, against immigrants, etc.

I bring this up because if we don’t stop looking the other way…if we don’t stop our apathetic response to horrible injustices then they will continue to grow. We condone crime at the highest whitest level in this country.  In God we trust but in money we REALLY TRUST. 

Now back to the bottom of the barrel. Maybe there isn’t much that we can do separated from one another which is exactly the strategy of politico-corporate affairs because we have become divided by the powers that be. And without a united cause, we will remain complacent; throw out hands up in the air and order another drink. Or turn on the tube for sedation.

I know that we can afford to put a few bucks towards making the poor slightly cared for. With the wealth of this country it is a travesty that we allow anyone to be homeless here. It is unjustifiable. That argument that the poor are just “lazy” is a weak lie at best but one many of us lean toward believing because it relieves us of our own guilt and human obligation to care for our neighbors, our fellow humans. It would be so easy to erase corporate loopholes and collect far greater taxes that could provide support to society as a whole. Education and social services should be more important than controlling the cost and availability of oil for obscene profiteering.

It’s hard to find a place to stop because the inhumanness rampant in our culture must be addressed!

But then again, we have all been told and taught to “look the other way” in this super duper culture of opportunity. Oh yes, we have opportunity and opportunists who take advantage of their privileged color and connections, and family ties.

This world of people operates almost everywhere as it always has through out history. We have kings and emperors and rulers in every society that hoard the wealth and ignore the common folk. We have armies and knights and warriors trained to defend the best interests of that ruling class. One thing the poor and the rich agree upon is that Money decides what laws are written and what people have advantage and the rest of the peons who don’t. An occasional success story about some ghetto kid who climbed out poverty and violence into opulence is meant to prove to us that most poor are just lazy. They do drugs and join gangs and kill and steal from one another.  Well, if I were the great great grandson of a black cotton picking slave abducted from his home and enslaved and yet went to school and graduated and discovered that it isn’t who you are that matters but who you know…well, I’d probably turn to drugs and/or violence too. Ya know, sometimes force is justified because it is the only way to fight all that is so very wrong.

Short of individual enlightenment and a spiritual awakening to the truth that we are all of one family, this species of humans that we are-none of our practices on either end of the scale will ever change this nation or this world into a place that supports the quality of life for ALL people.

We are well on our way to hitting our bottom like any addict must do before he is faced with a decision to turn his life around or just wither, let go and die.  America is addicted to money and consumption. We are addicted to having the latest and greatest. We are concerned about keeping up with our affluent neighbors. We buy so much more than is needed or even used. Just like any individual addict, our culture reflects our values and we are a frighten people here in America.  We have always been afraid that there wasn’t enough to go around so better race out there and grab your share while it’s still there. Compete instead of collaborate.  Ahhhh-shit. Ask the American Indians how compassionate and generous the Europeans who stole their country and lives away, were.  Well, that’s where many of us came from. Question is….where the hell are we going?

Monday, March 3, 2014

test

test

Default faulty thinking:

... Growing up I was extremely enmeshed with my mother and I absorbed her posture to life which was one of fear. She was a terrified woman and she taught me how to think. Until recently, until I starting practicing Real Love i didn’t even know that I chose my thoughts and was responsible for the resulting feelings I felt. I see now that I need a terrific amount of frequent support from others who love me enough to listen to my ptsd default thinking and remind me that my fears are rarely real. I need others to love and encourage me when I can’t do that for myself. At the same time, I believe that a healthy, healed Harvey is one who is able to encourage and support himself….by himself. I am resisting the fact that I am very needy. I have shame around this and i am anxious to feel whole, complete and worthy without any help from others and yet, when I do allow myself to reach out and push thru my shame, I am always uplifted by the caring of others. Bottom line; I am not as confident, and emotionally stable as I’d like to be and I often “should” myself to be that way. 

My fear: moving away from Phoenix and the many friends who I get great support from scares me. In my history, I have never been successful at being sober and okay with my self when living alone. My sons are in college, I’m retired and divorced. I am afraid that once i relocate and settle in I will find myself suffering from chronic anxiety and depression. I never learned how to sooth myself…by myself. Uncertainty usually scares me and the truth is, outcomes in life are always uncertain. And, how I am choosing to think and thereby feel often feels (or I judge) out of my control. I have other beliefs that constrict my growth and happiness. One of the most devastating ones is the belief that the most/only really important thing in life is to find “the one”  to love and live happily ever after with. The flip side of this belief is that until that perfect romance happens I will feel incomplete and distracted by this “need”. I don’t seem to be able to visualize myself at peace and focused on goals other than love and the only “love” I know how to do is imitation love when it comes to dating. I am not comfortable or capable anymore of lying and manipulating for my own selfish gains anymore and I don’t yet know how to simply be honest and present myself as is while at the same time feeling compelled to “woo” the woman of my desire.  Limbo…uncertainty…fear.  Without  “the one” as my primary goal and motivator I don’t know what to shoot for. Don’t know how get fulfillment or a sense of direction and purpose without living for love or “outside validation”.  I know I am on my way to a happier more honest and healthy place but at times I am deeply discouraged.  The “this too shall pass” encouragement seems not to apply to lifelong negative postures to life. My thinking does change but definitely not as much or as quickly as I’d like it to. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

SAILING INTO SANITY


SAILING INTO SANITY
Okay. One would think that sailing in the warm clear waters of the Caribbean in the middle of winter for a week would be a wonderful experience but that was not the case for me recently.  Over the past 2 years I have developed more intimate relationships with others by being more vulnerable and truthful about myself. There are friends I’ve made who know me and care about me; there are new friends I find myself caring more about as they reveal themselves more deeply.  Perhaps that’s why the Caribbean vacation was not satisfying for me. I have grown accustomed to and desirous of, more honest, more intimate relationships with others (and myself).

My expectations: I sailed for two months in 1980 from Mobile ,Alabama to Jaimaca over the course of nearly 2 months. It was a long, slow and at times harrowing journey  but overall, an unforgettable adventure. There were many challenges and changes and my resourcefulness was tested time and again. I experienced the perfect calm of sunrises as well as battering waves and drenching rains. The contrasts made me better appreciate serene circumstances when they occur and my own abilities to survive difficult ones as well. 

When i signed up for this cruise I was picturing the extremes of my previous trip through the Bahamas clear waters, dangerous reefs and the normal rule that Murphys Law manifests on the seas at times-whatever can go wrong will do so at the very most inopportune moments.

Instead this trip consisted of was a series of island hopping or “bar hopping”  where we would work ourselves up into an overindulgent party of eating, drinking and touristy souvenir shopping that goes along with fleeting pleasures of distractions. Each day was primarily a recuperation from hangover so that by nightfall we were ready once again to party. Laughter, silliness, sex and other fun stuff is wonderful at times but not when a foundation of honest friendship has not been first established.

The people were nice of course. They were regular human beings acting like most of us do most of the time. But I discovered I’d become accustomed to hearing others share openly about their pain, there shortcomings and struggles.  I discovered that I have a need to be “seen” and accepted for who and how I honestly am in the moment. There is a certain response of compassion and connection when we are allowed to see into another person. Real love is a powerful and satisfying experience and evidently I’ve become accustomed to and expectant of more loving real interactions with others. That certainly did not happen that week on the waters and I am not holding any of the wonderful people I sailed with responsible for my experience. I myself did nothing to make things different than they were; i did not “become” the change I wish to see in the world-instead I withdrew emotionally and withheld the truth of my experience biding my time, holding my breath, waiting for the trip to end. 

I can’t party like I once did. I have tasted too much unconditional love and acceptance to remain satisfied with anything less.

Interestingly, i didn’t have much clarity during the experience; I was simply reacting as I usually do when faced with a reality I did not want-I went into behaviors. I ran (withdrew emotionally), and I lied (by going along and not sharing truthfully how I felt and what I thought. I behaved privately like a victim and I did not ask for what I needed so there was no way to have things go differently. I assumed or expected that others would reject more truthful intimate conversation but I really don’t know what would have happened if I’d been truer to myself and shared that truth with others. 

It was’t the worst time of my life but it did repeat the experience i’d had several months before when I went out on a sojourn wanting certain things to happen and when they didn’t, I felt disappointed, confused, fearful, and sad. So. What am I learning? 

Fortunately I am learning that all the “pleasures” I used to enjoy in lieu of a truer more sustainable state of happiness not longer fill the bill. It’s hard to appreciate vinyl jackets parading as leather once you’ve had leather. And this is all good news. The fact that I am more conscious of choices I make and my emotional responses to those choices is leading me to a different life altogether. A life in which I seek truthful interactions with others. A life in which I am becoming more and more comfortable being who I really am and not worrying so much whether others will like and accept me or judge and reject me. I guess the most productive journeys I can take are those that lead me within where I can discover better who I am which leads to me becoming better able to know what I want and need which puts me in a better position to make caring healthier choices. 

Your own responses are welcome here and i hope to generate dialogue between us that supports all of our journeys towards a more enlightened, healthier and happier life experience. 

Namaste.