BREAD

 A Story of Bread

I bought some ready lentil soup from the neighborhood market. It’s awesome. Bought some French Bread and a few other items I needed, checked out and went home. Tasted the soup right away. Yes! 

Put the stuff away in the fridge and notice I hadn’t noticed …the bread. 

Arrrghhh. 

Small upset really. Called them and they said they had it, blah blah and I said  thanks-I’ll be in a little later. Damn. 

You see I have developed a strategy to avoid, crowds and congestion. I do my “to dos” that require things from stores, or dr. appts, grocery shopping , etc. between ten and two o'clock. 

It was three thirty now and I thought I was done “OUT THERE”. That’s hw I usually refer to the world at large these days. With dread like Maynard G. Krebs said, “WORk”.

Okay I thought. I’ll ride the bike. I need the exercise but first let’s smoke a bowl for the ride and listen to Pandora through my hearing aids (ah-technology…can’t live with it, can’t live without it.

Two miles max but of course there’s a good Santa Anna headwind which comes out of the desert and blows all of our smog out to sea. Whatever. 

I make it there of course and they are ready for me. The young security guard recognized me from earlier, smile and made a comment about bread. So of course being a lonely old codger, explained how it was the bread that thought of having lentil soup so…

We went on for a while about our mutual admiration for “fresh” bread. I told him I usually freeze half of the baguette which keeps it pretty authentic once reheated carefully. But then I remembered the most important and relevant thing I learned in all the hours and hours I spent in and out of colleges. 

At S.I.U. I had a roommate from New York whose name was Carol. It wasn’t that he was gay or trans or anything. It was 1968 and he was just weird. Those days you had to be significantly weird to stand out from the rest of us who were doing our best to, well-be weird. 

Carol taught me that if you suck all the air out of the loaf of bread you just bought, twist  and tie it tightly, it will taste like day one for most of the week.

He was right. Thank God college wasn’t a waste altogether!

IF THE SEA COULD BOIL...

ILLUMINATE

LOSING THE LIGHT

I haven’t said a wise word 

or written a fine line,

in a long time.

Disconnected,

I am falling from light,

falling from that great height

into an abyss of uncertainty,

fear and self recrimination.

I keep dusting off old medals 

to reduce the amount of shame I feel,

to remind myself that at times I shine,

It encourages me, when I’m lost on the edge 

of my own darkness,

afraid to negotiate the journey

down yet another unknown road.

afraid of discomfort,

afraid of control,

afraid to let go.

I cling to the edge of faith,

defying authority,

resisting humility,

admitting my neediness

I reach out for another’s holy hand.

 Afraid to lose my self

and yet, 

afraid to find myself

I make excuses

to continue playing safe and small.

Admitting this here

is a step through the fear.

I want to live from largeness,

I want to live in and from light,

no longer hiding in shadows 

of my own making.

This world is dark with secrets,

I choose to try

to tell my truth and, 

...Illuminate.

looking good

Looking Good

The Guest doesn’t care what time you think it is, 

or if you are asleep,

and believe you need your rest, 

because you have to work tomorrow.

Work at what?

The guest knows exactly what time it is; 

it is time to wake up 

to the one thing you need to know

which is, 

who you really are.

Dark parts: 

enemies were sent to teach you

how to embrace the unlovable

shadows of your self.

Become whole.

The peace you make with your self

will change this troubled world

into a playground of delight.

What we look like to the world means nothing.

What the world looks like to us

is all that matters..

LIKE A RIVER ROCK

Like a River Rock

Trust:

Be patient like the rock, 

feel life rush through and around you,

Gushing streams of grief

 will wear away your jaggedness,

wash away your madness,

and smooth you like a stone,

Faith:

Be uncertain like a river

and meander to the sea.

That route of least resistance

will speed you home to me,

Strength:

Use courage like a fist

to break thru what would hold you back,

Persevere and friends will support you

with the love you think you lack,

When all else fails, pray 

and be lifted from your knees, 

The light of your divinity

will carry you to me.

12912