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The Dark Side of “Equality”
There was a psychological experiment done in Germany several years ago. People were partnered and put into rooms with one person given ten dollars to split with the other person any way they saw fit. The other person either accepted his portion or not. If he rejected the split, then neither of them got to keep any money.
In almost every case, any time the split was other than 50/50 the offer was turned down and no one left with any money. They repeated this test with one hundred dollars and had the same results. If the split wasn’t deemed fair by the intended recipient, it was rejected and neither got to keep any money.
This story was found in a book entitled “The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior” and illustrates that most people (in competitive modern societies) will choose no money over a shared amount they consider unequal or unfair. Interestingly enough, when the same experiment was conducted in a remote Amazon village everyone accepted the money irregardless of whether it was an even split or not. They reasoned (reasonably) that any money was better than no money. They also accepted and understood how someone would keep the larger share for themselves; they weren’t troubled because they comprehended that they now at least had “some” money which was freely given to them and they didn’t feel entitled to it; instead they felt grateful.
I found this fascinating with far reaching implications for us modern urbanites. From the time we are children measuring our brothers glass of soda to our own, the size of his slice of pie compared to mine and so forth we insist on “fairness and equality” in the family and whine and complain when it isn't present.
Later we extend this entitlement to fairness to many other aspects of our lives. We compare ourselves endlessly to one another to determine whether we are getting our fair share of opportunities, salaries, educations, promotions; we assess our skills and abilities, size and shape and looks and create our self regard from how well we stack up against everybody else. Some of us find it preferable to be a big fish in a small pond than to compete with all the predators and end up small fish in the big sea of ambitions.
I believe this obsession and insistence on “fairness” has far reaching consequences. It helps to explain
why so often in our individual interactions we end up in either win/lose or lose/lose situations. It explains how 2 congressional parties can become uncompromising and therefore, completely frozen and ineffective the same way two spouses can refuse to come to agreements which sometimes leads to divorce.
I think this “fairness” attitude is present in our rigid ideas of right and wrong, and good and bad. Most of us rarely consider the grayness which is a far more accurate description of reality than simple black and white perceptions and interpretations.
Rather than acknowledging the merits of differing opinions and perhaps collaborating which could lead to successful negotiations we often prefer to choose no solution over a partial or compromised one. These irreconcilable interactions with one another at individual, national and global levels do not bode well for our future.
In modern urban cultures, in education and in business we are taught over and over again to compete with one another. If someone wins someone else must lose. Where in our society is cooperation modeled? How many urban folks interact much at all with their neighbors? Are we shown how to be helpful when others are in need or are we taught fearfully and selfishly to stay on our side of the gated fence in our upscale community and spout idiotic idioms like, ‘self-made man, rags to riches, pulling yourself up (by yourself) by your bootstraps. Heroes are the highly ambitious and competitive winners in a culture measured by material wealth and that intangible false esteem known as “status”. Is it possible we have been choosing the wrong role models most of our lives? Possible that maybe we have chosen a life of appearing successful over a life of genuine quality? What do we value; what is truly important? What feeds the heart and soul?
If you haven’t noticed by now that millions upon millions of successful Americans are addicted to one thing or another, depressed and bolstering themselves just to get through one more day. When and why did life become such a drudgery?
We each of us walk our own paths and are often headed in different directions altogether. I have no answers for anyone outside myself (and not always myself either) but I think it’s important to pose questions, to stop occasionally in our urgent flight through life to look within ourselves and consider if we are truly happy and healthy or are we still blindly doing “whatever gets us through the day?”
I have a very happy neighbor with an unsinkable positive attitude; we both live on opposite sides of the same street in the same neighborhood but evidently see and live in different worlds. The sound of a power saw annoys and disturbs me while he is grateful that such a tool exists to create and build with. Maybe I should move to his side of the street...or at least, visit him more often.
