6312                                                                           Prayer for Wholeness

in my marriage i got terrific support to work toward those goals that my wife chose for me; the goals I allowed her to choose because I was so lost from myself that I needed rescuing. I needed the hand of the good mother; direction and nurturing and I got that. I got that from my wife. 

What I never got and what I see now I am responsible for either getting or continuing not to get, is support to get to what my own goals are. My passion, my path. I need help in keeping what is truly important to me in sight. Then I need help in the form of encouragement which can look many different ways. 

I have to shut up those voices in my head that recreate self doubt time and time again. I need help to do this. Self defeating voices; beliefs in my own inadequacy as a hero. My own hero. I am so very tired of making progress and yet falling short, failing time and time again. 

God. I pray to be done with my resistance to the light and to your will for me which is to be all that I can be as a servant of your light and love. Please give me the strength, the courage, the single minded ness required to stay on course, to resist the seductions of my lesser selves. Help me to brave the world by being exactly true to who i really am; a pure and loving tender soul, a child of the light. A compassionate open hearted man who is willing to express his deepest truths without fearing the judgements and condemnations and rejection of others. Please come into me and fill me with myself. So that I may be complete and without the desperate unending need for support from others. Just you and me God. Let’s finally tie the knot; let’s tie it and be tangled up in divinity in such a way that I can not loosen it. make this so that I can never again be freed from the freedom only you can provide.

Amen-

#56: The Truth as Light

#56

i haven’t said a wise word, 

written a fine line,

in a long while.

Disconnected,

i am falling away from the light,

falling from that great height

into the abyss of uncertainty,

fear and self recrimination..

I keep dusting off old medals 

to reduce the amount of shame I feel,

to remind myself that at times I shine,

It encourages me, when I’m lost on the edge 

of my own darkness

afraid to negotiate the journey

down yet another unknown road,

afraid of discomfort,

afraid to let go of control, 

even when I know this control

is illusion..

I cling to the edge of faith

afraid to surrender to authority 

outside myself,

unwilling to feel humility,

admit my neediness,

 reach out for another's divine hand.

i am afraid to lose my self

and yet, 

afraid to find myself,

I need all my excuses

to continue playing safe and small.

Admitting this 

is one step through that fear.

i want to live from largeness,

I want to live in and from light,

no longer hiding in shadows 

of my own making.

This world is dark with secrets,

I choose to tell my truth,

contribute light.

WORD # ??

A FEW WORDS ABOUT WORDS

words have intentions..
everybody loves a good story,
they entertain and teach us,
when they come from a loving place

words can frighten and control us
when they come from the fearful place

words are magical,
powerful in their effects,
they can protect or endanger,
heal or wound,
persuade and defend and attack and retreat

they can bring things out of us,
anger, sorrow, compassion, laughter, understanding
they can put things into us,
anger, sorrow, compassion, laughter, understanding

they can hide you from yourself and others
and they can reveal and express more of who you really are
words can lift you into lightness
or plunge you into despair
they can apologize and take responsibility for themselves

they can swim on streams of music singing,
color and shape your memories and dreams,

they can deny or affirm you-

in the cold hands of the foolish or selfish
words are a weapon
in the warm hands of lovers and servants
they are fragrant bouquets of flowers
made from light.

where is it that you speak from
when you speak?

# 54: Over the Hill

in the race to become someone i never wished to be

other than loved...

i have grown weary and like a horse going lame

i am pulling up short 

of a finish line that never did exist,

i quit-retire me to greener pastures

who in their right mind would ever choose dirt tracks 

and crowded turns to green pastures in the first place?

everything i ever wished to achieve

i can have as easily as leaning against this stump

watching the sky brighten with the start

of one more day simply content to be who i am 

and 

who i am not..

Bullying; A Culturally Learned Behavior

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=5114WHxofzU

Bullying is not just a behavior of the young-please watch!

i believe that our whole culture tragically supports the bully. if you think about it, the way we operate across the world, we have been getting what we want thru covert or overt force since WWII. Competition is not only encouraged , it is celebrated and the corporate growth is power and influence socially and politically has grown out of control. the current 1% and their disproportionate soaring economic growth and power is another example of the bully principle. it is not just an adolescent problem; in unwritten ways it permeates our society and is secretly embraced and even honored. the solution to the bully is the same for all social injustices; be the change we wish to see. It takes a willingness to self examine, courage and hard work to undo much of the inhumane dysfunctional thinking that we have inherited. Our whole educational system is geared to serve as a factory that produces drones that accept, fit into and sustain the established institutions and systems of the status quo. 

nuclear weapons are only okay in our hands and in the hands of those allies in bed with us. humans have been conquering one another and taking lands and resources forever. The bully archtype is nothing new and it is an “adult” accomplishment that the young simply mimic.